Cutting the Bullsh*t

This is the year I cut the bullshit with myself.

All the stories I come up with that keep me where I am, that don’t allow me to grow, that keep me comfortable, that keep me in the same cycle. No more excuses and half-assed reasons about why I can’t do something. It’s no wonder I kept regressing back to old habits that don’t serve my greater good. Mentally, I’m not ready to take that courageous next step. The step that is filled with risks. The step that will grant me all I desire from this life.

The only thing stopping me is the bullshit story I tell myself to keep myself safe, to keep myself from getting hurt. All the while, those actions that I think are helping me are actually sabotaging me from what I truly want and know I deserve. I created this narrative that I need help, that there must be something else going on outside of me preventing me from being happy and fulfilled. This is a smokescreen, a ploy from my ego to protect me and how I view myself.

My ego says, “It can’t be me who is the problem, I know I’m great. Conserve your energy for a real threat. You don’t need to do these menial tasks. Focus on keeping us safe.”

While this thought proved beneficial in the dawn of humanity when being eaten alive by a large beast was a real danger and we needed our ego to help protect us, that danger is different now. The ego is serving its purpose of protecting me, but an ego unchecked can cause the exact pain it wants to avoid. It begins to twist reality into whatever best suits my paradigm. My ego is so convincing, I begin to believe the story too (even if it’s not entirely true). Making the choice to rewrite my story is hard for my ego. It doesn’t want to be wrong especially when it comes to myself. All it wants is to love and protect me, but I don’t need to operate in survival mode anymore. I am capable of loving and protecting myself.

To overcome being under the influence of my ego and begin integrating it, I build trust in myself to handle whatever may come my way. (This didn’t happen overnight and I’m still in the middle of embodying this.) I build trust in myself by doing the things that I have been putting off. Starting small with self-care, prioritizing my health, fitness, and home. If I say I am going to do something, I see it through. If I am unable to follow through, I don’t get down on myself for “dropping the ball.” Instead, I get curious and ask myself, “Is this something that moves the needle forward? Will I be glad I did this in the future? Why is it important for me to do this? Is this something I genuinely want for myself or is this something someone else wants for me?” Majority of the time, the tasks that don’t get done are filler tasks. Things that distract me from my main mission, my life’s purpose.

Some days are easier than others. On the days there is great resistance, meaning, doing the thing feels incredibly difficult and heavy, I grant myself grace. I remind myself it’s the small habits and actions that add up to big results. I don’t need to tackle huge task lists every single day as that will surely lead me to burnout and overwhelm. I take the resistance as a message from my body to slow down. What are three things I can do today that keep me moving forward while respecting my body? Can I break this task up into smaller, more manageable pieces? Removing the mental drama, what would this look like if it were easy?

I am in the beginning of this lifelong practice. I am unlearning something deeply engrained in my biology. I am learning to show up for myself in a society that celebrates putting others before yourself. I am allowing myself to fail and make mistakes.

The best part is, no matter what has happened in the past, I have a chance now to cut the bullshit, start fresh and put the effort into becoming the version of myself I’ve always dreamed of.

Stopping myself from stopping me means no one outside of me can stop me either. And that’s on cutting the bullshit and taking my power back. 💥